you should know.

I haven't been writing here nearly as much as I want to. I miss it. I've been writing more on DeviantArt, but I can't get personal on there. Here I can, and that's why I still have this here.

Tomorrow, June 6th 2011, will be exactly one year since I had that terrible accident. Sorry if I mention it too much. I could be hurting some people by mentioning it too much. But the thing is, I'm not bothered by it. I used to be, but now I see it as a simple fact. It just happened. And I talk about it because I just feel that's what I have to do.

It's just weird, you know. Getting a skull fracture on a Sunday isn't what you expect on the verge of summer. I remember I missed the last week of school, and I was totally heartbroken. I wanted to go. I effing hate school, and waking up early and all that stuff. But I love seeing my friends. Cliche, but I'm being honest. It's what I look forward to. That's why I always get a bit sad and lonely during summer. It could be because I didn't have friends for such a big part of my life, or maybe it's because I'm just that big of an emotional blob. I feel blessed to get to see the few people I got close to this year. I don't think anyone is going to get why I'm so glad to be with them, but that's okay. I don't quite get it either.

What still bothers me however, is that not everyone knows the whole truth about all that stuff last year. I've got pieces of truth hanging around all over the place. Some people know bits and pieces, some know other bits and pieces. No one knows exactly everything. That's one thing I need to fix. Someday, I'll tell everyone everything. By everyone, I mean the people I'm close to. Ask me one of these days. Not in person though. Me and my self-conscious self can't manage that. I'll be happy to tell everyone everything. I feel comfortable enough now.

One thing I've wanted to mention though. It's that I didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable in the hospital. My three-day stay there was totally fine. What I mean is that I didn't feel sad. I bet everyone expected me too, but I didn't. One reason why is because I knew I was going to be okay. This next thing is going to make me sound like a completely horrible person. I actually felt loved there. That sounds totally dumb now, because I know I'm loved my a lot of great people. But last year I was convinced that wasn't true. The horrible thing is, even three days in the hospital still didn't convince me. It took a lot more than near-death to realize my blessings. But I'll save that for another day.

I guess what I wanted to say is that you should never forget what you have. Of course, no one realizes that until it's too late. It's sad. When I look back and realize all the things I had and all the good people I knew, it makes me feel like a fool. Because that's what I was. That's why I don't like to waste time now. And I cling on to every single moment and every single friend I've met. I've promised myself that I won't lock myself in like I did last summer. If you think I'm starting to break that promise, don't hesitate to tell me. Do me that favor. And the last thing I wanted to say was that I love you guys and thanks for being there.

Owen - "Most Days And..."
"Oh, I could just leave things
A lot more easily than you'd think
'Cause I've been known to retreat
Every few years
So what am I waiting for
Oh, it's sad
Oh, I know
Then youngness of my young man shows
So please accept my apology
And wait with me
Oh, I could just die now
And no one would really have to find out
'Cause I've been lying down for years
So what am I waiting for
Oh, it's sad
I see another man who I wanna be
Sympathy, honesty
God knows I'm trying"

See you next entry.