the whos are there, but the whys are unclear

It's 1:45 right now and I got home like an hour ago. My mom got drunk at my aunt's house, so we had to stay there until she sobered up. Gosh, I loathe being at my aunt's house. I literally sit on the couch for six hours doing basically nothing. I also hate drunk adults. I get little fits of straight-edge rage. But no big deal, right?

During my weekly six hours of doing-absolutely-nothing-ness, I often go through music on my other iPod. The one I had before my current one. I haven't updated it since last year. And holy crap. I don't listen to even half the stuff on it. It's like looking through someone else's iPod. I can't possibly be the only one. I think that with age, our tastes in art become more refined. Some might confuse that for pretentiousness, but it's really not. That's why a lot of young kids say they listen to "everything". We all know it's impossible to like every type of music. People always get so worked up over genres too. I've come to realize that genres don't really mean much unless they're really specific. Like, "emo" can mean a lot of things. To me, it means bands like Texas Is The Reason. To some, it's crap like Escape The Fate. I prefer to ask people what their favorite bands are, rather than genres. But really, genres don't matter much to me. I've come to a point where it's only good music and bad music.

Moving on though, I'd like to share something that's been in the back of my mind for awhile now. It might be a but of a shocker. I'm pretty sure I hate punks. And most of their crappy music too. Now calm down, I don't mean I hate all things relating to punk. There's always going to be a spot in my heart for pop-punk and "beardcore/orgcore/whatever you wanna call punknews.org bands". By punk, I mean the fake attitudes and mohawks. Geez, I can't believe I liked that shit last year. Blink-182 said it best, "Well, I think this is growing up." It sure is. 

I just find that whole subculture really lame and fake now. They're all yelling about anarchy, but when someone goes off and tries to live a good life, they all get mad. That's just one example. A lot of them just get into trouble for no effing reason. At my current school, I've met up with a lot of punks, and I can safely say I don't like them much. It's like they all pretend to be open-minded but they're not. Plus, just think for a minute, what does punk really mean? Not much anymore. It's a bit silly to try and be part of something that is virtually meaningless. I find punks to be pretentious. And I'm glad I'm not involved with them or their music anymore. I grew the hell up. You can call me pretentious while I lay back and read Jack Kerouac novels and go on AbsolutePunk.net and listen to The Movielife. I don't give a flying diarrhea stain.

In terms of music, it goes back to just having refined music taste. Your musical taste buds grow too, ya know. I think listening to punk was part of growing up. Deep inside, I wanted to fit in. I tried desperately, but we've all learned that never works. I never really cared for politics either. But hey, we're all guilty of faking out of loneliness right? Looking back, it's crazy. I hate all that crap now. The Misfits, Nofx, Anti-Flag. I've changed a lot, haven't I, duderinos? *Sigh*. If I was a 30-year-old balding punknews.org reviewer guy, I'd totally put on a Hot Water Music record and drink a beer. But I'm a 14-year-old Straight Edge female wearing a Hot Water Music shirt and hoping for grandmomma to get me a record player. I still have a lot of growing up to do.

So y'all don't feel bad if you grow up. It's always a shocker to see changes. But hey, we live and we learn right? I'll try to post something special on Valentine's Day. In the meantime, I'll go back to my euphoric state of pretentiousness and listen to totally non-punk, hardworking, honest, indie bands. See ya next entry.

"Honestly I can't remember teen dreams
All my teenage feelings
And the meanings
They seemed too see-through
To be true

All the whos are there
But the whys
 are unclear"
- "Honestly" by American Football