The end of the year is always melancholy. Especially this year. Looking back, there was a lot of happy stuff. But also a lot of gut-wrenching moments. I went through the worst periods of my life this year. Mid-spring and mid-summer. So much that it left me somewhat cynical. You all know how I disconnected myself from everything and everyone. I was so sick of everything around me. If you had told me that in 2009 I wouldn't have believed it. Sometimes I remember my old dA journals and it doesn't seem like the same person. Maybe you guys won't get that. But know it feels like something is missing. I don't know what it is. I think...maybe it was knowing that everything I touched was new. Sometimes I feel like I've already passed my peak, though I know that isn't entirely true. If any of you all ever reach this point, you'll realize that it's the little things. You find that you're cynical when you were once open-hearted. You'll find that you can't relate to all your friends the way you'd wish to. The bands of your childhood don't sound the same. And you'll also realize that "childhood" was only a couple months ago but it doesn't make sense to call the present time your childhood anymore. You aren't mature though. You're just in somewhat of a midlife crisis that isn't stereotypically ridiculous. I don't mean to bum anyone out. I just wanted to somewhat document 2010. It's so peculiar to see how everything works out. Like I said before, this would have been unbelievable in 2009. Sometimes I just look at myself and don't feel the same passion. And I find myself relating to totally different people. But still, I hope and pray that 2011 is a better year.
"Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they're staying glued together,
I have arms for them.
Take another sip of them,
it floats around and takes me over
like a little drop of ink in a glass of water"
-- "Green Gloves" by The National
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