walk the line

So far, I've listened to 9 out of 34 albums on my list. I technically have time to listen to at least one more, but I have a huge headache today. Not as in physical pain, I mean like a figurative headache. Does that make sense? Like when everything feels out of place and it bothers you to no end. I'll probably go right off to bed after I write this.

But don't think this is total whining. There's something I want to share which I probably can never talk of again, because then I'll have figurative headaches for weeks. Okay, so first, do some research on sleep paralysis just to get an idea. It's basically when your mind wakes up before your body. It usually only lasts for about 30 seconds. You feel as if your body is paralyzed, and you can only move your eyes. You can't speak, but you can hear your thoughts out loud. Basically, your subconscious and consciousness are having a little tug-o-war. So, I suppose you can say that depending on which side is stronger, your dreams can feel real or reality can feel like a dream. They say this can happen from overeating, depression, caffeine, and trauma.

As you can probably tell, this happened to me today. I had that damn sleep paralysis. Again. It has happened maybe 3 or 4 times before. I finally confronted my mom about it and we came to the conclusion that it's from my accident. The one I had this summer. When I had my accident I was knocked unconscious for about 15 seconds. Then I woke up and felt totally numb. The same exact way I feel when I have sleep paralysis. I also wake up with the same drowsiness and I try to call for someone exactly how I did when I fell. But check this out, these little episodes only happen at my dad's house. Why? Because that's where I was before I left to my friend's house. I also spent my post-accident days there. It's some really weird, psychological stuff.

Today's episode was pretty bad. Arguably the worst. Probably because I've been thinking a lot about it for no apparent reason. Gosh, guys. It's horrible. You feel as though something is dragging you down to the ground, or that you're swimming in extremely deep oceans with overwhelming pressure on you. Then you finally wake up and you still have a buzzing feeling in your head. Take note this has only happened a couple times, but it's enough for me to get worried. The only way to overcome this is to just not think about the accident. Move it really deep into my subconscious.

I'm posting this because it's an interesting topic. Walking that thin line between subconscious and conscious. It's worthy of some research, I suggest you all check it out. However, don't try to do it through "astral projection" or whatever. Believe me, you don't want to try it out. It's very scary. Now that I think about it, this happened to me before the accident. Like when I was a little kid. I guess I simply have a tendency, for whatever reason, to have episodes of sleep paralysis and the accident just boosted it to over 9000. I guess it's from fear or stress, and in this case, trauma. But anyway, don't try it out, even if it's interesting. It's best not to mess around with your mind too much.

So have fun with that. I still feel unsettled. But whatever. Tonight I'll chill out; drink mango soda, eat Doritos, watch Cowboy Bebop and listen to Marvin Gaye. Tomorrow I'll go back to my listening schedule and such. Bombs away.