He was there, He is here. He is peace.

This is my 50th post! I can't believe I wrote that much in a matter of months. And I would've written more if I hadn't held back. But in other good news, my grandfather is finally coming here from Cuba. I'm excited, and a bit nervous, since I've never met him. I've only spoken to him a couple times and I barely know what he looks like. I know he's coming because we've been praying strongly for it for months. Which kind-of ties into today's subject.

So do you remember that entry I wrote once about that Christian hardcore band For Today? Well, there's some Youtube videos of their singer preaching in a church someplace and I watched them today. His name's Mattie Montgomery and he's a really cool guy. And like I said in that entry, I like For Today and a lot of their peers because they make honest Christian music. Anyway, a point that he touched on in his preaching was one that really caught my attention and tied into something that I've thought about. He started out by explaining he meets a lot of young Christian musicians who don't talk about faith because they don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. He also said that a lot of Christians live their lives as if Jesus has given up on us and He's not coming back. He goes on to urge people that it's not just that, "Oh, it's nice if Jesus would come." It's that he MUST come, or we're going to perish. He spoke some really strong words. Which is what I like about him. But he said that caught my attention the most is that as a Christian, people should feel uncomfortable around you.

Now that sounds a bit weird at first, but it's true. I don't think he meant that people should feel scared. He meant that people should get a foreign feeling from you. Back when I was atheist, I used to get that feeling around religious people, so I know what he's talking about. (And just an interesting tidbit; ever since I became a serious Christian, I don't really remember much about being an atheist. I seem to only remember what's necessary for me to understand their point of view. I'd say that's the Holy Spirit.) It was an indescribable feeling. The closest word to describe it is "uncomfortable". As if, I was in the presence of total truth. Which I was, even if I didn't completely realize it at the time.

But that statement got to me because sometimes I feel as though I don't express my faith enough. It's not as though I don't want to, it's more like I don't know how to. Of course, I'm scared of getting into arguments. I know I'll win, but it's still a day-ruiner, you know. Kids nowadays have hearts that are calloused. Their minds are totally closed up. The moment you mention God, they start spouting nonsense. I remember just a few days back, some guy asked me the meaning of my name, and I told him proudly.Just that instant some kid shot off with his nonsense. I manage to stay calm in situations like that, but like I think I said before, it hurts to see how lost they are. And that's something I struggle with. How can I possibly show these kids the way to Jesus? I tried to figure it out by myself, but it just couldn't happen. So I asked Jesus to speak for me at times when it's necessary. I want my statements to be bolder, but for kids my age to understand them. I mean really understand them, in their hearts. Because no one knows when Jesus is going to return. I don't want to see my friends burning. (Another side note: I know God has mercy on young people. But people grow up so fast that the line between "kid" and "adult" is blurred.) And some people say, "Well if God is so loving, why do we end up in Hell?" Because there's no excuse to not believe in Him and love Him. Why do you think there's millions of people that give up their lives to Him? It's to reach people who are lost. If you reject God in your life, He will reject you after your life. And it's not mean or unfair. It's totally fair, because He loved you under all circumstances and He sent you people. Still, you rejected Him.

Aside from that, it bothers me when people get all surprised when I say I'm Christian. It's not like I dress or act outrageously. Sure I act like a fool, but that's to be funny. So you're saying that a Christian doesn't listen to punk music, or drop some f-bombs on accident, or be into "nerdy" stuff, or run around with shovels during Horticulture class? C'mon. I know that they have this image in their mind of a stereotypical Christian girl. That's what makes me angry. The stereotype which we know barely exists. I know a lot of modern Christians who break that stereotype. I want to break that stereotype too. Because that isn't fair. I also used to get mad when I mentioned God or Jesus and people got all pissy. But I'll try not to. After hearing Mattie's preaching, I think they get pissy because deep inside, they know it's true. The more you try to ignore God, the more He'll call you. It's because He wants to be in your life. He's knocking on your door. Not vice-versa.

Long entry is long. Oh well, see ya next entry.